Monday, August 12, 2013

Milking The Cow: The Grumpy Cat Coffee

Yes, I am writing about this because I am a cat-lover. I love cats so much that they come first before my own welfare. Whenever I buy my groceries, which aisle do I visit first? The one that holds all the wet cat food of course. And I've started buying fancy cat milk for The-Furry-Jerk-That-Likes-To-Bite-My-Toes-When-I'm-Sleeping, even if sometimes, I barely have enough money to buy a carton of regular milk for myself. But I digress...

So apparently, famous internet kitty Tarder Sauce (aka Grumpy Cat) is now selling refrigerated coffee drinks. Because, you know, there’s nobody more reliable in the coffee industry than a cat from the internet that looks like she’d marinate her litter-covered paws in your coffee when you’re not looking...that is, of course, if she wouldn’t concoct her own brown liquid goodness inside your sneaker, if you know what I mean.

I. Am. Not. Even. Joking. Here's what TIME has to say about this mess.

As much as I love Grumpy Cat (who wouldn't love that angelic face?), I can't help but feel betrayed by her humans. First, because Grumpy Cat is a product of the internet—let her stay that way, unless they're really eager for her 15-minutes of internet fame to end. After all, the fastest way for a meme to die is for it to become too exposed (Rickroll? Antoine Dodson? Pants-on-the-ground Guy? Anyone?) And as a self-proclaimed Internet Cat Specialist, I do believe that sooner or later, people will get tired of Grumpy Cat know, they keep seeing her every-freakin'-where. 

Heck, even That-Dude-From-The-Other-Vampire-Show (I'm a True Blood kind of girl, sorry) wanted a photo with her. 

Second, what kind of booze were Grumpy Cat's humans drinking, because there's no way a person in his right mind could connect his pet cat to starting an overpriced coffee business. Oh, how I'd love to be a fly on the wall when they were coming up with this business scheme. I’m not saying that Grumpy Cat can’t sell merchandise; I just wish they came up with something that can truly embody Grumpy Cat’s nature. Like shoe insoles made of Lego pieces. Or lima beans—I sure as hell haven’t seen anyone look happy when eating lima beans. 

So if you ask me if I’ll buy Grumpy Cat’s coffee goodness? No thanks—I’m already poor from perpetually buying that fancy cat milk for my own feline overlord.

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